On Low Self-Esteem and Being Scared to Take Up Space

4/1/2022

Young woman looking into the camera, wearing a pinstriped shirt. This represents that Sacred Circle Holistic Healing offers online counseling services in Kansas for self-esteem, anxiety, and codependency.

You’re Not “Too Much”

Being scared to take up space means feeling like it’s not OK for us to have wants or needs. That is not OK for us to “inconvenience” or “burden” other people.

When we’re scared to take up space, we often believe deep down that the only way for us to avoid abandonment is to put our needs aside and make ourselves as convenient and agreeable as possible. Maybe then, if we’re easy enough to be around, others will put up with us. They won’t notice how bad we really are.

Ouch. It’s incredibly painful to feel this way. It can also bring up a lot of shame if we have an inner critic that says things like “You’re such a pushover, why can’t you just say what you actually think for once?!”

Vulnerable to Manipulation and Abuse

Being afraid to take up space makes us vulnerable to manipulation and abuse. When we believe that we can’t have any wants or needs, we tend to pair up with people who have endless wants and needs. We fit together like perfect puzzle pieces. We’ve tried to compensate for our low self-esteem by disappearing—they’ve compensated for theirs by taking up as much space as possible.

Which appeals to us, at first, because the attention is never focused on us! What a dream! We’re great at focusing on others, never requesting a thing ourselves. They require constant attention. A match made in heaven. Except, not really, because eventually we realize that hiding out in a relationship that demands we be a doormat or else, is a horrible and traumatic experience.

Young women staring into the camera. This illustrates that Sacred Circle Holistic Healing offers online therapy through out the state of Kansas for young women with low self-esteem and anxiety.

Photo by Handy Wicaksono on Unsplash

The Antidote to Low Self-Esteem?

The antidote to low self-esteem is self-compassion. Healing our inner child. Learning to show up for ourselves in the ways that others have failed us. This is an ongoing, life-long practice. It is not a quick fix, but it is a lasting and unshakable one.

Questions for Journaling and Self-reflection:

Young woman lying on the bed looking at a book. This illustrates the importance of self-reflection and self-awareness in mental health.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Where did I first get the message that I needed to be small?
Was it safe to ask for what I wanted/needed growing up? How did I know this?
What am I afraid will happen if I start asking for what I need?

Looking for an online therapist in Kansas?

Ready to turn your attention inward and understand yourself more deeply? My Lawrence, Kansas counseling practice specializes in providing therapy for codependency, therapy for anxiety, therapy for self-esteem, therapy for Highly Sensitive People, and grief and bereavement counseling. I help people overcome shame and the fear of being their true selves. Breaking the cycles of people-pleasing and self-abandonment is possible, and I'm here to help.

I offer online counseling throughout Kansas. Reach out today to schedule your free 15 minute phone consultation. I'd love to hear from you!

Other Services Offered by Maggie

In addition to providing online therapy anywhere in Kansas, I’m also a professional astrologer, and offer Birth Chart Readings anywhere in the United States, as well as abroad.

Astrology is a powerful tool for gaining self-awareness, finding meaning in and understanding of our difficult experiences, and for receiving validation regarding our own unique life path. All of which supports our mental health in a positive way!

Interested in getting a Natal Chart Reading ? Book a free phone consultation and let’s get started!

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