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What is a “Highly Sensitive Person” (HSP)? Highly Sensitive Person is a term used to describe 15-20% of the population who are born with a unique sensory processing trait that allows them to notice more subtleties in their environment, resulting in both deeper processing (thinking & feeling) and a tendency toward becoming overwhelmed by stimuli more quickly. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of high sensitivity you can start here: The Highly Sensitive Person: A Form of Neurodivergence.
Isn't Everyone Like Me?
As an Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I used to assume that everyone noticed all the things that I noticed—like subtle social cues, for instance. I also assumed that everyone was a deep thinker, needing plenty of alone time in order to work through and understand the meaning underlying their experiences. But I now know that’s actually not the case!
The majority of people—around 70-80%—are not experiencing the world in the same way that I am, as someone with Sensory Processing Sensitivity (the scientific term for HSPs). And in working with other Highly Sensitive People, I have come to discover that I’m not alone in this assumption. It seems that most HSPs operate under the belief that everyone around them is experiencing the world as they are. Which makes sense, right? I think most of us, sensitive or not, project our experience onto other people—it's the only thing we know, after all.
Understanding this led me to two other useful realizations:
1. That if the less sensitive had nervous systems that functioned like those of HSPs, they, too, would need more down time.
2. HSPs and non-HSPs experience communication, specifically conflict, differently.
Understanding this led me to two other useful realizations:
1. That if the less sensitive had nervous systems that functioned like those of HSPs, they, too, would need more down time.
2. HSPs and non-HSPs experience communication, specifically conflict, differently.
HSPs, We Need to Cut Ourselves Some Slack
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It seems to be a nearly universal phenomenon that HSPs living in the Western world feel badly about their sensitivity and see it as a liability. And it’s not difficult to see why we’d feel that way, living in a culture where outward productivity (outward being the key word here!) is moralized and intimately connected with our perceived worthiness.
Highly Sensitive People do need more down time, more alone time, more time to just “be.” But we need this time for a good reason--our brain is working in a way that requires more energy; we are doing more invisible heavy lifting. On the flip side, there is also a good reason why non-HSPs don’t need as much down time; their brains aren’t taking in as much information and they aren’t working internally to synthesize this information as deeply.
Highly Sensitive People do need more down time, more alone time, more time to just “be.” But we need this time for a good reason--our brain is working in a way that requires more energy; we are doing more invisible heavy lifting. On the flip side, there is also a good reason why non-HSPs don’t need as much down time; their brains aren’t taking in as much information and they aren’t working internally to synthesize this information as deeply.
Taking in more subtlety and processing deeply is internal work, but it is work nonetheless. And if non-HSPs walked a day in our shoes, they would have the same needs we do. They’d be saying “wow, I don't know why I am so exhausted, but I think I just need to go home tonight instead of heading to the bars.”
So, the next time you find yourself saying, “I just don’t know how my partner does it, she can just go, go, go,” remind yourself that she might have more energy for external activities because her internal workload isn’t as heavy!
But what’s the benefit of all this deep processing? Who needs it? I just want to be “normal.”
Wisdom. Creativity. Big picture thinking. Self-awareness. A deeper understanding of our world and of human nature. Compassion. These are the benefits of subtlety and deep processing. As with anything there are pros and cons, and the same goes for being highly sensitive and being less sensitive. Accept your limitations and embrace your strengths!
So, the next time you find yourself saying, “I just don’t know how my partner does it, she can just go, go, go,” remind yourself that she might have more energy for external activities because her internal workload isn’t as heavy!
But what’s the benefit of all this deep processing? Who needs it? I just want to be “normal.”
Wisdom. Creativity. Big picture thinking. Self-awareness. A deeper understanding of our world and of human nature. Compassion. These are the benefits of subtlety and deep processing. As with anything there are pros and cons, and the same goes for being highly sensitive and being less sensitive. Accept your limitations and embrace your strengths!
Turn Up the Volume
HSPs and non-HSPs experience communication differently.
As HSPs we naturally and unconsciously pick up on subtle social cues. This can be a tremendous gift because it gives us the ability to attune to others in a sophisticated way. This is why HSPs are known for being particularly good with small children and animals—we understand their non-verbal messages.
Because of our ability to pick up on subtlety, HSPs don’t need much to receive a message. In fact, what may feel like normal, appropriate directness to a less sensitive person, can come across as aggressive and overly-direct to a highly sensitive nervous systems; and vice versa, our way of asserting ourselves can be completely missed by non-HSPs. Basically, the sensitive and non-sensitive have different volume preferences when it comes to communication.
Because of our ability to pick up on subtlety, HSPs don’t need much to receive a message. In fact, what may feel like normal, appropriate directness to a less sensitive person, can come across as aggressive and overly-direct to a highly sensitive nervous systems; and vice versa, our way of asserting ourselves can be completely missed by non-HSPs. Basically, the sensitive and non-sensitive have different volume preferences when it comes to communication.
Photo by Chase Fade on Unsplash
It can be frustrating as a Highly Sensitive Person to feel unseen and unheard when we are surrounded by non-HSPs on a daily basis. But sometimes all we really need to do is take this difference into account and practice intentionally communicating more directly. Always remembering that what might feel too direct and borderline aggressive to us, may simply be interpreted as clear communication by a non-HSP.
New to the World of High Sensitivity?
Here's some more reading!
- Highly Sensitive Person Self-Test
- The Highly Sensitive Person: A Form of Neurodivergence
- Five Common Misconceptions About Highly Sensitive People
- Self-Care for Highly Sensitive People
- Why are Highly Sensitive People Prone to People-Pleasing?
- Imitating Non-Sensitivity: The Number One Pitfall of Highly Sensitive People
- Being Highly Sensitive: How to Navigate Emotional Overwhelm
Looking for an Online Therapist in Kansas?
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Would you like to turn your attention inward and deepen your self-compassion? My Lawrence, Kansas counseling practice specializes in providing therapy for highly sensitive adults, therapy for self-esteem, therapy for anxiety, and therapy for codependency, and grief and bereavement counseling.
Through counseling I help people overcome shame and the fear of being their true selves. Breaking the cycles of people-pleasing and self-abandonment is possible, and I'm here to help. I offer online therapy throughout the state of Kansas.
Reach out today to schedule your free 15 minute phone consultation, I'd love to hear from you!
Through counseling I help people overcome shame and the fear of being their true selves. Breaking the cycles of people-pleasing and self-abandonment is possible, and I'm here to help. I offer online therapy throughout the state of Kansas.
Reach out today to schedule your free 15 minute phone consultation, I'd love to hear from you!
Other Services Offered By Sacred Circle Holistic Healing
In addition to providing online therapy anywhere in Kansas, I’m also a professional astrologer, and offer Birth Chart Readings anywhere in the United States, as well as abroad.
Astrology is a powerful tool for gaining self-awareness, finding meaning in and understanding of our difficult experiences, and for receiving validation regarding our own unique life path. All of which supports our mental health in a positive way!
Interested in getting a Natal Chart Reading? Book a free phone consultation and let’s get started!